Well alright now! Today’s letter is from a woman who was invited into a room where the pastor of her church professed his love and kissed her. She and her husband became friends with the pastor and First Lady. Now, the author of this letter is feeling guilty and doesn’t know how to tell her husband and her girlfriend-the pastor’s wife. Additionally, it’s been revealed this isn’t the first time the pastor has kissed another woman (I’m assuming church member). I offered that the woman start with forgiving herself for feeling like she’d “done something wrong (the definition of guilt).” I also shared exploring her inner thoughts and feelings would be a great starting place. When she’s at peace (doesn’t mean she condones it) with what occurred then she will be able to clearly share with the First Lady and husband the experience.
This exploration may reveal any attraction she had to the pastor that was conscious or unconscious. An attraction isn’t an invitation for him to act and doesn’t excuse his behavior with her and others. A Pastor is widely held as a position of power and is attractive because it’s robed in serving others; being there for people; listening; supporting and helping; counseling when people are at their weakest-all of which can be attractive qualities. And doesn’t mean she wanted to have a physical interaction. It’s simply to understand we send out energy all the time and people can honor or manipulate the energy to suit their needs-which is what I feel the pastor did. To garner the attention of the first family can do wonders for peoples morale and status because you are in the company of God’s “chosen one” (that’s how some people view it).” Remember, I’m only speaking of perceptions some people hold and being the son of the 103rd Bishop in the AMEC gave me a front row seat to many of these perceptions played out.
Please know there’s not enough in the writing that speaks to what the interaction between the couples looked like or how long they’ve been friends. I simply know they became friends which can change or alter the role of the pastor in their lives. So, was she kissed by the “pastor” or by her “friend” who is a pastor and married-violation of boundaries anyway you look at!? It’s worth checking in to see how she looked at him or said another way, check to see if she was aware of role he was playing in that moment “pastor” or “friend.” If it was the role of friend, it may have blurred boundaries and reinforced a desire of the pastor unbeknownst to her-which he used to manipulate the relationship. We won’t know and no need to focus on him as he didn’t write the letter-this moment is about supporting this woman in getting clear, letting go of the guilt, and standing in her power. It’s from this Divine space that she can share her truth with her husband, girlfriend and the pastor.
The Law of Reflection (check schedule for my Spiritual Laws class) offers that everything is reflecting back to us something about ourselves. So, what did this experience reflect back to this woman about herself? This the space I’d invite her to explore. It might reveal lack of boundaries, places in her life where she ignores warning signs, or other areas in her life where she’s being misled, taken advantage of, or playing victim. Let me be clear, the exploration is to support her in connecting to the lesson/message embedded in the “guilt” she’s experiencing. I offer, if she were clear there was no wrong doing on her part there would be no experience of guilt!