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  • Writer's picturePru

“Now, You Wanna Be a Father?!”


Today’s show addressed the conflict a mother of a 17 year old boy is experiencing with a father that will be released from prison soon, has not been in his son’s life and now wants to make up for lost time.  I offered that the son:

1. Consider writing down what if anything he wants from this relationship.

  1. Jot down anything he wants to do with his dad.

  2. Be present or in the now and to consider establishing a relationship from today rather than the past (we can’t make up for lost time).

  3. Be clear about what he sees himself/them doing: texting, monthly visits, talking on the phone.

Additionally, I offered that the father give thought to what he might want to share: an apology for disowning his son, acknowledging pain caused, etc.


Russ asked if the father’s desire to see his son was selfish. Simply put-Yes, and he has the right to ask. The father can’t impose his will but he can certainly ask about building a relationship-that’s extending an invitation. I was also asked about the mother contemplating withholding info about the father being release from prison from her som. My offering was to sit with if she can stand in that decision (to withhold info) if the son were to find out and felt angry. The mother was concerned about the son being disappointed again. Allow the son to have all the available info and make an informed decision. Because the meeting between father and son has not occurred then the disappointment does not exist in this moment. But the feeling is present in the mother’s mind and my sense is withholding keeps the mother from feeling/experiencing disappointment.

Family dynamics are always challenging and there can be so much unaddressed and unexpressed pain/hurt and unresolved issues present. As a parent we want to protect but I’ve discovered in my own journey the person I was really protecting was me. Trust that our children can learn to be resilient and this only occurs when they go through struggles. There’s something in this experience for the young man to learn and both parents are playing the roles that are needed to support his development. But that’s a different way to look at challenges. For many of us, we’ve been taught to avoid Challenges/uncomfortable experience or to fight against and end them. And our children miss out on learning to become self-sufficient. Our children miss out on the messages embedded in the pain an sometimes miss out on the opportunity to break generational patterns.


Parenting and family dynamics can be tricky to navigate. But in every conflict is a lesson. And when we can master a lesson we can be grateful for what the conflict taught, showed, or reveal to us about ourselves. Be gentle with yourself and others as you move through this day!


 

Tune in to the Russ Parr Morning Show Tuesday’s 7:50am EST when we Get Into It With Me-Pruitt😁🙏🏾


 

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