Updated: Sep 11, 2020
Beingness is associated with the principles or values by which we live our lives. They’re mental constructs that precede all of our actions and we say are important to us- being open, kind, fair, honest, truthful, vision, love, compassion, forgiveness, etc. The root of being is the verb to be. It's how we tend to describe our experience of ourselves and others-I am… you are… he/she/it is open, kind, compassionate. These states of being also include less than favorable experiences: being closed, critical, aloof. States of being are the principles or higher ordered values by which we live our lives. There exist two formulas from which to choose: one formula is do-have-be. We typically will ask what do I need to do so I can have what I desire and then ultimately be happy. We tend to use this formula when we experience some form of fear and we began to ask the question, what can I do right now? The hope is if I do the right thing or combination of things then I can have a better/different outcome. But what can happen is little if any consideration is given to who were being in the situation. In other words we make what we do more important than who we are. The other formula is be-do-have! This choice starts with the question, who am I being? The response(s) will offer ideas about what to do. And then that doing well have some outcome. It every action produces what we desire. So you may need to change what you’re doing or how you’re being. For example, let’s say you want to have a healthier social life. So you begin by looking at who you get to be in order to have that. Some possible ways of being or open, available, or bold. How would you behave if you’re being bold, how might you behave if you’re being open and available? Noticed I use the word behave it is a singular word that gives you a vital clue about which formula may work best. Look at the word again and break it into BE-HAVE. So, the formula is in the word- who you’re being will allow you to have things that are consistent. In the third act of Hamlet, he asks, “to be or not to be…” He doesn't say to do or not to do. Hamlet is asking who do I get to be and he has he's aware of two choices: be blind or choose to be open and available to speak the truth of what is occurring. So if I'm in a conversation with a friend and I believe this moment calls me to be empathetic then being empathetic will allow me to make choices about what to do: maintain open body position, listen more than speak, or even nod to show I’m listening. This may allow me to have a healthy friendship. Each moment may call for a different way of being. Enjoy the journey and be gentle with yourself!